Several years ago, I watched an episode of HGTV’s Love It or List It. The premise is simple. One expert helps homeowners rediscover what they love about their home. The other encourages them to leave and find something new. As I watched, I couldn’t help thinking that the same question often applies to our careers. When clients were unhappy at work, I often asked a similar question:
“Is it time to leave…or is there a way to rediscover what you once loved about your work?”
Years later, after losing Allan, I found myself thinking about that question again—but in a very different way. Grief changes the way we see almost everything, including our careers. You may return to the same office, sit at the same desk, and work with the same people. Yet nothing feels the same.
The work hasn’t changed. You have.
After many months of reflection—and with the support of both my coach and my therapist—I began to understand that while grief had changed me, it hadn’t changed my passion for coaching. Instead, it had expanded my sense of purpose. I realized I didn’t need a new career. I needed a new way to serve. I wanted to combine my decades of career leadership and coaching experience, my personal experience with grief, and my professional training in grief coaching to help others facing one of life’s most difficult transitions.
When Work Loses Its Meaning
One of the most common things grieving people tell me is, “I just don’t care anymore.” They’re often surprised by those words. This is the career they worked hard to build, the profession they once enjoyed, the goals they spent years pursuing. Yet after losing someone they love, promotions, deadlines, and performance reviews can suddenly feel insignificant.
Grief has a way of putting life into perspective. What once felt urgent may no longer seem important. That doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means you’ve experienced something that has changed your perspective forever.
Grief doesn’t just change who we are. It often changes why we work.
Before You Decide to Leave
When work no longer feels meaningful, it’s natural to wonder if it’s time for a change. Sometimes it is. But grief can also shape how we experience our work. Before making a major career decision, ask yourself:
- “Am I unhappy with my work, or am I exhausted from grieving?”
- “If my grief felt a little lighter a year from now, would I feel differently about this job?”
- “What parts of my work still give me energy?”
- “What parts leave me feeling depleted?”
- “Am I still learning and growing?”
- “Are my colleagues still great to be around?”
- “Is there something I could change before deciding to leave altogether?”
- “Do the mission and vision of the company still align with mine?”
These questions aren’t meant to keep you where you are. They’re meant to help you make thoughtful decisions rather than reactive ones.
Sometimes You Rediscover What You Loved
Not every career needs to end after a loss. Sometimes small changes make a meaningful difference:
- A new project
- A different schedule
- Learning a new skill
- Mentoring someone else
- Having an honest conversation with your manager
- Finding one aspect of your work that still feels worthwhile
Grief often narrows our focus to what we’ve lost. With time, it can also help us rediscover what still brings meaning.
Sometimes Grief Reveals It's Time for Something New
Sometimes, however, grief uncovers something you’ve been feeling for years. Perhaps you’ve outgrown your career, or your priorities have changed, or success looks different now. Many people discover they want work that offers greater flexibility, stronger relationships, or a deeper sense of purpose. Others realize they’re ready to slow down, pursue a long-held dream, return to school, start a business, or explore an entirely different direction. Those aren’t decisions to rush. But neither are they decisions to ignore.
One of the most valuable pieces of career advice I can offer is this:
You don’t have to decide today.
You can explore.
After coaching clients through career transitions since 2011, I’ve learned that the best decisions rarely begin with certainty. They begin with curiosity. If you’re wondering whether your current work still fits, give yourself permission to test the waters.
- Browse job postings to see what opportunities are available.
- Research organizations whose mission and values resonate with your own.
- Learn what your skills and experience are worth in today’s market.
- Consider whether you want to continue working full-time or whether a role with fewer hours and greater flexibility better fits this season of your life.
- Explore whether it’s time to develop new skills, earn a certification, or return to school.
- Think about whether consulting, coaching, freelancing, or starting a business has become more appealing than it once was.
None of these steps requires you to resign tomorrow. They help you gather information. Exploration isn’t a commitment. It’s simply a way to make your next decision with greater confidence. Sometimes you’ll discover that your current position is exactly where you belong. Other times, you’ll discover possibilities you never would have considered if you hadn’t allowed yourself to look.
And yes…
Consider interviewing.
Not because you’re committed to accepting another job. But because interviewing can answer questions you can’t answer from home. You may discover opportunities you never knew existed. You may find an organization whose culture and values are a better fit. You may realize your experience is more valuable than you thought. Or you may walk away with a renewed appreciation for the career you already have.
Not every interview has to end with a job offer. Sometimes it ends with greater clarity.
If it’s been years since you’ve interviewed, don’t let that discourage you. Interviewing is a skill that improves with preparation and practice. Whether you’re returning to work after caregiving, considering a career change, or simply exploring your options, investing in your interview skills can help rebuild your confidence and help you communicate the value you offer.
The goal isn’t to rush into another job. The goal is to understand your options. Career decisions are strongest when they’re made from clarity—not from fear, exhaustion, or uncertainty.
Before deciding what’s next, give yourself
permission to discover what’s possible.
A Different Way to Think About Career Decisions
The older I get, the less I believe every career question has a simple answer. Instead, I return to the same three questions I ask my coaching clients.
WHO are you today?
Grief changes us.
Understanding who you are now is the foundation for every decision that follows.
WHAT matters most now?
Your values, priorities, and definition of success may have changed.
Give yourself permission to acknowledge that.
HOW do you get there?
Not with all the answers.
Not by making impulsive decisions.
But one thoughtful step at a time.
Final Thoughts
Grief changes the questions we ask about our lives. It can change what motivates us, what we value, and what we hope to accomplish in the years ahead. If the work you once loved no longer feels the same, resist the temptation to make a quick decision. Instead, give yourself permission to pause, reflect, and explore your options with curiosity.
Whether you ultimately rediscover purpose in your current role or choose to pursue an entirely new direction, remember that you don’t have to figure it all out at once. The most meaningful career decisions are rarely made in a single moment. They emerge one thoughtful step at a time. And sometimes the first step isn’t making a decision. It’s permitting yourself to discover what’s possible.