The death of someone we love changes more than our circumstances. It can change the way we see ourselves, our future, and sometimes even the world around us.
Life becomes divided into two chapters.
Before the loss. After the loss.
Although we may come to carry our grief differently over time, we are never quite the same. And perhaps we weren’t meant to be. This reflects one of the central themes of The Power of Grief: grief is life-changing, not life-ending.
Grief Is a Reflection of Love
One of the greatest misconceptions about grief is that it is something to overcome. I don’t believe that. Grief exists because love existed first. If we had never loved deeply, we would never grieve deeply. The intensity of our grief isn’t a sign of weakness. It reflects the depth of our love. That realization changed the way I understood my own grief.
Instead of asking, “How do I get over this?” I began asking, “How do I carry this love forward?”
That question changed everything.
My Own Story
When my husband, Allan, died, I quickly discovered there wasn’t a roadmap for what came next.
People cared deeply. They wanted to help. But many didn’t know what to say. Some encouraged me to stay busy. Others reminded me that time heals all wounds. Still others wondered when I would “move on.” I know those comments came from a place of kindness.
But grief doesn’t follow a schedule.
Love doesn’t disappear simply because time passes.
I wasn’t looking for a way to erase my grief.
I was discovering how to carry both my grief and my love into a life that looked very different than the one we had planned together.
Grief changes the life you expected.
It doesn’t erase the love that came before it.
Living Fully Doesn’t Mean Leaving Someone Behind
Two fearful questions many grieving people ask are:
“If I begin to laugh again, am I leaving them behind?”
“If I begin enjoying life again, am I leaving them behind?”
I don’t believe you are.
Living fully isn’t the opposite of love. It’s one way we honor the people who helped shape us. The people we love never stop being a part of who we are. We carry their values, their stories, their traditions, their influence, and their love. They remain woven into our lives.
What I Have Come to Understand
Living with grief has changed what I understand about myself, other people, and what matters most. I have discovered:
- Greater compassion for what others may be carrying. We rarely know the full story of another person’s life. I have become more patient, caring, and understanding of struggles I cannot see.
- That grief is deeply personal—even within a family. We can love and miss the same person and still grieve very differently. I’ve learned to respect those differences rather than expect someone else’s grief to look like mine. Loss has also led to deeper conversations, greater caring, and new ways of supporting one another.
- That traditions can change while memories remain important. Some familiar traditions continue to bring comfort. Others no longer feel right. I’ve learned that families can create new traditions while still cherishing the people and experiences that made the old ones meaningful.
- That I need to take an active role in caring for myself. People may care deeply and still not know what I need. I’ve learned to ask for support, reach out when I need company, accept help, and pay greater attention to my own physical and emotional well-being.
- A clearer understanding of what really matters. Some things I once worried about no longer seem as important. Grief has changed how I think about how I spend my time, where I place my energy, and the people and experiences I value most.
- That work, purpose, and meaning can look different after loss. Grief can change how we think about success and what we want from our work and our lives. I discovered that I still loved coaching, but my own experience with loss deepened my sense of purpose and expanded how I wanted to serve others.
- That giving to others can also give something back to us. Becoming a museum docent brought new people, experiences, learning, and joy into my life. Volunteering reminded me that sharing our time, interests, and experience can create connection and meaning.
- A greater appreciation for ordinary moments. A meaningful conversation, lunch with someone I care about, a child’s enthusiasm during a museum tour, laughter with friends, or simply a good day can feel more precious than I once realized.
- The importance of asking myself new questions. Grief brought questions I had never needed to ask before: “Who am I now?” “What matters most to me?” “What do I want this next season of my life to become?” Self-reflection has helped me understand who I am today and consider what I want the life ahead to hold.
These understandings didn’t come all at once. They emerged slowly through experience, reflection, conversations, and simply living day by day with a life I had never expected. Together, they have helped me become more intentional about the people I love, the choices I make, and what matters most to me now.
Final Thoughts
Grief doesn’t ask us to forget.
It invites us to remember differently.
The love you shared is still part of your story.
The memories still matter.
The relationship still matters.
And while grief may always travel beside you, so does love.
“The life we shared becomes part of the person we continue to become.”
— Katie Weiser
Continue Your Journey
If you’re learning to live with the loss of someone you love, you don’t have to figure everything out alone.
If you’d like to explore these ideas more deeply, The Power of Grief offers additional reflections, practical guidance, and encouragement for living alongside grief.
And if you’re looking for personal support, I’d be honored to help you discover who you are now, define what you want for the life ahead, and determine the steps that feel right for you while continuing to honor the person you love.